A brief pondering
I have missed a few days on this here blog, due in combination to illness and my creative writing outside the blogosphere. I have suffered worse than ever from headaches and stress-related illness, primarily due to a toxic work environment that I am ill-suited for. With the strength I did have, I recently chose to finish the first draft of my fourth novel, The Slayer’s Keeper. As any writer knows, finishing the first draft of a story is a huge milestone, but it also means there is much work to be done now with editing, proofing, and tightening up the gaps left behind in my fervor to see the story brought to its conclusion.
There are also huge opportunities opened up to me now in my personal and writing life, which I will expound on later. For the moment I want to reflect on what I have written in the past, immortalized in a digital archive on this site. Some of it at this point I regard as nonsense or rubbish, something that was cathartic to write at the time but that’s it. Maybe I’m too hard on myself, that old self-critic creeping up, but I really did write some stuff here when I was not in a great emotional state.
I decided recently that instead of deleting some of the old content here, created back before this website had its current name, I thought it best to leave it as a reminder. To me, and to others, that it is okay for your outlook and world views to change based on experience, new data, and new perspectives. If an asocial, aloof introvert like me can figure some of this shit out–without an instruction manual!–then there is hope, eh? As I have stated in so many ways before, if something I have written or will write here can help not only myself, but even one other person who is suffering, then it’s worth it.
Now, I choose to look at the traumatic events I have written about in this blog as craters. It seems somehow romantic in a way, and calming, to think of myself like the moon in this metaphor. The moon is still there. The craters may have scarred the surface, but it is still there. It shines on. It has not lost its luster, and indeed may be all the more interesting for the stories its scars can tell us. If posts about the worst events in my life are the craters, one can then chart the course outward until they reach the crater’s rim, and then realize there is a bigger canvas at work.
Like the moon, I may occasionally be invisible in the sky, but I am still here, and will still shine on in the way which is unique to me.