I will now hate on romance for a few moments

This blog post is a departure from my typically more rational, objective writings about life, culture, and human nature. This is likely to read as more of a rant.

With that out of the way, let the deluge begin.

I was just broken up with recently. Super recently. The ground on that grave is less than two weeks cold. If she is reading this right now by some chance, then it is suffice to say that I am incredibly hurt and you will likely not like what I have to say below.

In my admittedly less rational than usual, less objective than usual state of mind, I have come to a conclusion via experience and through observation: romance and love are aberrations. Our culture teaches us that love and romance is the norm, that those who shun these things or can’t find them in some way are the outcasts. To be fair, I’m not scorning love in all contexts of the word; the love between family members, brothers, friends, the kind of love you might show to a pet, these are all well and good. Romantic love I contend, is the aberration.

My parents and one of my cousins are among the few examples I can think of for instances of romantic relationships that have not only endured for a great extent of time, but avoided the kinds of cataclysmic fallouts that some relationships do recover from to an extent, but never fully heal from, i.e. things like cheating, blackmail, abandonment, divorce followed by reconciliation, etc. Statistically and through empirical evidence, this is not the norm. The norm is seeing relationships come and go not much less often than one changes clothes or changes jobs.

I no longer believe, except in statistically low, highly improbable instances, in a such thing as true romance. The same goes for loyalty, to sacrifice, to empathy, to having at least a thought of the effects your actions and words have on another.

“But,” you say, “this too shall pass. You’re jaded now, but in time this will heal. Eventually you’ll find the love of your life.”

I’ll have none of those words right now, nor their sentiments.

I’ve exceeded three decades of life on this planet and in this country. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I have the wisdom, experience, and werewithal to put myself in others’ shoes, to analyze our culture and human history, to see the patterns in the ivy, as it were. The concept of romantic love is an abstraction, throughout all our histories fraught with deceit, deception, lies, betrayal, false promises driven by young naivete and the raging of suppressed hormonal urges.

If you are what I consider the unusual minority who has actually found the elusive goal of lasting romantic love, if you have found happiness with a life partner, then I salute you. But if I may borrow to an extent a line of reasoning from the philosopher Hume, because of the high probability that romantic love is bullshit, I cannot believe in it as truth. I can no longer even believe in it as an idea. Ideas spring from experience. Reliable experiences produce reliable, stronger ideas. The concept of romance has failed me and has been observed by me to be such a farcical, improbably achievable notion as to be wholly unreliable and not worth believing in even on the conceptual level.

…and I suppose that’s really all I can say without just paraphrasing myself over and over. I am sure that given time, when the wound is not so fresh, I may be less acerbic when discussing this topic. But the amount of time and energy I have spent on the endeavor of engaging in romantic love only to be cast time and again into the blackest pit of human despair, where life seems like it isn’t worth continuing, has given me reason enough to no longer exalt it, to cast it down like the false idol it is.

FIN

2 Comments

  1. You have the right to express yourself. You have the right to feel anger, hurt and disappointed. This is fresh and for you this is very painful. It is true though when you hear someone say “this too shall pass” and “the right person who feels the exact same way about you will come along”. Relationships do take work from both parties, but it shouldn’t be a struggle or a battlefield. Compromise, loyalty, honor and truth must be in any relationship. Hold yourself to a higher standard and find someone who feels and does the same. No one should ever feel unworthy and unloved. Most of all alone. That one and only is out there and I know in my heart. You will finally have what you want…the person that loves you as much as you love them. Be strong and hold on.

  2. Although you had already mentioned this to me and we shared stories about our Romantic (and quite painful) past, I was touched on reading this and for a moment lived in the sadness that you experienced back then. I am deeply sorry for this Daniel. Our paths though not shared until now couldn’t have been more similar, I taste and feel the hurt you speak of and remember it as my own, although fortunately, mine is now a distant memory and I hope yours too. Chris C is right, even if it has taken two years and more grief than you deserved, but I think you can now look back at this post and be glad it didn’t work out. But pain is a great teacher, if we had not gone through such traumatic moments perhaps we would not be the people we are today, we would not appreciate all the little BIG things and perhaps, our paths would never have crossed. I believe that everything happens for a reason; there are no coincidences. This was a blessing in disguise. You should never settle in love, never give up on your dreams and never ever accept anything less than you deserve. Compromise, loyalty and honour are essential when it comes to true love, but so is respect and good communication. Love is a two-way thing, both should strive to be the very best version they can be for the other and both should be making the same effort always. Effort which is no effort at all when you love as we are finding out. I am sorry they hurt you and I am even more sorry that certain people failed to see the incredible man I see; a man who should be so proud of himself and who few men can ever aspire to measure up to in any way. You see the world not with the eyes but with the heart. You have values, ethics and dreams you believe in and which you should fight for, always. Never measure your worth by what anyone else sees or how they act towards you. Most ordinary people are incapable of recognising the extraordinary. And you are that, and so much more…I am still in awe…I always will be. You are this world’s best invention (thank your parents 😉 as well as your stubborn rebellious nature much like mine) and my favourite thing. I am fortunate to have you in my life and grateful for all the moments we’ve shared so far, moments I will treasure forever. You are a gift to the world and I will never stop telling you this. You are my world and you create magic. I will always believe in you. The past belongs in the past. Let’s both leave it and there and walk hand in hand towards a bright and new future together…

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