Stream of Self-Consciousness

A musing on the setbacks that honesty and sincerity can inflict upon one’s livelihood.

As I have written about before, I sometimes find it difficult to maintain separation and distinction between my personal and professional lives. As an honest person, and as an introvert who finds small talk and the little white lies of daily social interaction to be extremely taxing, keeping my professional life afloat is a serious challenge.

Trust is also a serious issue in the workplace, and with today’s prevalence of social media, it is harder than ever to keep the line between work and one’s personal life from being blurred.

I cannot, in good faith, blame anyone but myself for the latest happening at work, which really hurt my confidence and my trust in others. A former boss of mine, the best manager I have ever worked for in my life, once told me that it is absolutely imperative to keep work relationships and personal friendships separate. I generally follow his rule, but from time to time I slip up, and allow social pressures to cave in my defenses. The sad and inevitable truth is, for people like me who prefer to just cut straight through the B.S. and to the point, that something I say will eventually be construed as an attack, or something that otherwise gives offense.

Perception, of course, is reality. Anything that I say, even if I know that where it is coming from is just the facts, with no malice intended, will not always be seen by someone else the way I meant it to. Some people just enjoy drama for its own sake. Knowing this, the onus is mine for letting my guard down.

Dealing with drama, being misunderstood, and having my words and intentions misconstrued, hurts. My confidence took a real blow, and self-consciousness really took a toll on me. It killed my motivation to write about personal issues. Geeking out on The Uncommon Geek, while still a personal interest of mine, does not leave me vulnerable like this personal blog does. The main lesson that I have had to learn, is to tow the line, keeping the two worlds of my life, and my work, separated. To keep people at arm’s length. And most importantly, to not allow the misunderstandings of others to interfere with what I enjoy.


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