Self-conscious blogger is self-conscious

I have found that it is quite possible to get drunk on emotion. Without so much as a drop of alcohol, or any other influencing substance for that matter, one’s state of mind can still be quickly and radically altered.

Though it serves as an outlet for my music, stories, and more, this blog has also become, effectively, my personal journal. I’ve never kept a journal in my life. Posting my inner demons out in the open leaves me feeling rather vulnerable, but I have come this far and I think it would be a disservice to myself to put the brakes on now. As much as I may not want to accept it or admit it, I am human, and am fallible. I may be doing better than I was before, but I am still carrying a lot of grief and pain around with me.

Another influence for writing articles such as this, goes back to one of my earliest posts. Life experience has still left me with a certain, apprehension (I hesitate to use the word paranoia but I suppose it could apply), about how I am judged in the perception of others. I have been misunderstood for most of my life, so whenever I do expose the most vulnerable parts of my soul, it is not without second guessing the impression that I think it makes.

I really, really enjoy writing. I still want to make a career out of it in some manner or another. I have big plans for finally bringing my original fiction to life, and this blog is a big part in giving me the confidence to go through with it. But man, it is scary. To anyone who reads this or has already been following my journey, I really, really, truly thank you for sticking it out. If I can make a difference in even one person’s life for the good, even if it is just evoking a chuckle, that is priceless.

If I may borrow a phrase from Rocko, I’ll “catch you on the flip side.”

FIN

2 Comments

  1. I write some posts like that. I’ve actually written some posts that fill me with such emotion I am shaking by the end of them. It’s totally normal, trust me ^_^

    Sometimes I think being a writer mimics various mental handicaps. I don’t mean to belittle people who actually have mental issues because that’s obviously very serious. However, I have seen writers seem near schizophrenic – going back and forth between loving their work, hating their work or speaking in the voice of characters they’ve created. Maybe being a writer requires us to be a little mentally unstable. We have to release our mind into the wild to find the words.

    1. It does sometimes feel like a journey into the wild yonder. Sometimes a particular piece of writing will channel such a strong feeling, and once that feeling has passed, going back and reading what you wrote seems almost alien.

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