When life starts to lay down a barrage on my commitment to writing, I am left with no choice but to fire write back.
I have, on more than one occasion, expressed my goal to post at least one blog a day. My hope has been, and continues to be, that by honing my skills here, I may still one day fulfill a dream of being to make a living by writing. Obviously, these last few weeks, I have not upheld my commitment. I have been working many hours in my “regular” job than usual, and, given that said job is mentally exhausting to me, I don’t totally blame myself for feeling so tired when coming home that I want to do, well, nothing. But dreams don’t make themselves come true… if I want to make music and/or writing my livelihood, I have to hold myself to a higher standard.
Throughout my entire life, I have consistently proven to be good, or at least competent, at damn near anything which I pursue. Skateboarding, playing video games, drumming, drawing, writing, reading, selling, managing people… some of these things I acknowledge being good at, while in most instances, I have to be told that I am good at them, because I am hyper self-critical and tend to be dismissive of my talents. Even with the latter having been said, this paragraph still sounds really conceited to me. The point that I am trying to make, is that more often than not, when I invest time and energy in something, it tends to succeed, to a point; the problem is, I’ve never had anything take root and grow to the next level, to that point where it becomes more than a hobby, but a way of life.
The company I loved to work at the most no longer exists. I feel as though I missed my chance to jump onto the computer and digital career bandwagon when that industry was still young and sprouting, and now I feel like a dinosaur in the age of technology. I think that I have become a fairly competent writer, but have yet to get myself to commit to finishing a story that I could actually publish and conceivably make some money off of. I consider myself to be a pretty decent drummer after having played for more than fifteen years, yet all I have to show for it so far is a handful of demos and a defunct band that no one will likely ever remember. I have enough of an intuitive grasp and understanding of video games, and know enough about the industry, that I should, at the very least, be a tester, if not a writer or producer in that field.
This post is probably starting to sound like a self-pity party. I am just feeling frustrated with myself. My inner dialogue says, “you are interested in, and are at least decent at, ALL of these things! Why aren’t you making a living doing at least one of them!?” However, I will not concede defeat to my own doubts.
I choose to no longer allow the necessary evil of work to stop me from doing the things that I not only want to do, but must do.
So this message is a re-commitment to everything that I love. Everything that makes me, who I am. This is a pledge to pursue the things in life that I desire most.