When life starts to lay down a barrage on my commitment to writing, I am left with no choice but to fire write back.
I have, on more than one occasion, expressed my goal to post at least one blog a day. My hope has been, and continues to be, that by honing my skills here, I may still one day fulfill a dream of being to make a living by writing. Obviously, these last few weeks, I have not upheld my commitment. I have been working many hours in my “regular” job than usual, and, given that said job is mentally exhausting to me, I don’t totally blame myself for feeling so tired when coming home that I want to do, well, nothing. But dreams don’t make themselves come true… if I want to make music and/or writing my livelihood, I have to hold myself to a higher standard.
Throughout my entire life, I have consistently proven to be good, or at least competent, at damn near anything which I pursue. Skateboarding, playing video games, drumming, drawing, writing, reading, selling, managing people… some of these things I acknowledge being good at, while in most instances, I have to be told that I am good at them, because I am hyper self-critical and tend to be dismissive of my talents. Even with the latter having been said, this paragraph still sounds really conceited to me. The point that I am trying to make, is that more often than not, when I invest time and energy in something, it tends to succeed, to a point; the problem is, I’ve never had anything take root and grow to the next level, to that point where it becomes more than a hobby, but a way of life.
The company I loved to work at the most no longer exists. I feel as though I missed my chance to jump onto the computer and digital career bandwagon when that industry was still young and sprouting, and now I feel like a dinosaur in the age of technology. I think that I have become a fairly competent writer, but have yet to get myself to commit to finishing a story that I could actually publish and conceivably make some money off of. I consider myself to be a pretty decent drummer after having played for more than fifteen years, yet all I have to show for it so far is a handful of demos and a defunct band that no one will likely ever remember. I have enough of an intuitive grasp and understanding of video games, and know enough about the industry, that I should, at the very least, be a tester, if not a writer or producer in that field.
This post is probably starting to sound like a self-pity party. I am just feeling frustrated with myself. My inner dialogue says, “you are interested in, and are at least decent at, ALL of these things! Why aren’t you making a living doing at least one of them!?” However, I will not concede defeat to my own doubts.
I choose to no longer allow the necessary evil of work to stop me from doing the things that I not only want to do, but must do.
So this message is a re-commitment to everything that I love. Everything that makes me, who I am. This is a pledge to pursue the things in life that I desire most.
Writing a blog post every day is hard work. I spend at least an hour every day just to make that happen. I’ve even given up an hour of sleep to do it. You definitely have to be driven to achieve it. Just set your mind to it and you can do anything!
Even in just the short time that I have been doing these blogs, seeing the response and feedback has been greatly motivational. It makes me think that, well maybe I’m onto something with my writing, and that makes the effort of publishing something everyday seem more bearable.
I’m right there with you. I’m currently working on my first book right now (which takes yet another hour out of each day). I worked up the confidence to do that through my blog. I’m in no way confident about my writing, but I figure, if I just do it, I’m at least ahead of the people who want to write a book and never try.