One blogger’s musings about the struggle to find harmony between life at work, and everything outside of that world.
Firstly, I just wanted to remark that my goal,and personal challenge, has been to make this a daily blog, but I have fallen behind on that over the last few days. I’ve let life events deter me from writing, which I told myself would not happen. So, I give myself a slap on the wrist for that.
The other prevailing thought that I have, as I write this, is the line that I crossed with my Easter post. This page of mine had certainly already gone far deeper into my personal life, as well as my views on topics that are either controversial, or tend to make people uncomfortable, than anything I have written on The Uncommon Geek blog site. However, directly tackling a touchy subject like religion, in such an open and public way as this, was definitely breaking new ground for me. The select few who are close to me personally, already knew my views on religion, but it’s a line I’ve never crossed publicly. As someone who works in the public sector, and who has to directly deal with holidays and other religious or culturally heralded events, I have always had to just smile, nod, and turn my cheek whenever the subject comes up.
Honestly? It makes me sick. Small talk about the weather is one thing. I personally think all small talk is pointless and inane, but I recognize that it has different layers, or echelons. But having to field questions about what I do for Easter, Christmas, etc., and not being able to be honest about it, just drives me crazy. Perhaps I’m being paranoid? I’m sure that maybe if I said that I don’t have a religion, or that I don’t celebrate what most people commonly do, it wouldn’t automatically get me fired. But it’s a slippery slope that I don’t even want to take the first step down. Until I get to the point in my life where I actually get to do what I want, and get paid for it, like, say, write, or make video games, I have to be careful. I don’t enjoy this fact, but the reality is, at the moment, that I have to work the job that I have in order to, you know, eat, and pay such fun things as rent. So offline, I censor myself.
What I am getting at, is that there is a balance I am struggling to maintain between the world of the professional, which I am forced to be involved with by necessity, and the world that I consider to be my true domain, where I am honest, free, and creative. In the Internet Age, nothing that makes it onto the World Wide Web is sacred, and privacy is quickly becoming an outmoded concept.
In a nutshell, as I continue this personal journey of creativity, expression, and exploration on this blog of mine, I will spend a fair amount of time looking over my shoulder. Nothing that I say here is intended in any way, shape, or form, to be anything but my own personal view of the world, and it has nothing to do with my employer or any single person that I work with. But I’ve run into too many social media watchdogs to assume that everything will automatically be just fine. Companies, especially in the United States, spend millions of dollars on people whose entire job is to comb the internet for anything that could be construed as bad publicity for them. I am an absolutely dogged proponent of free speech and the right granted by the 1st Amendment to the United States Constitution. However, I am also someone who barely makes enough money to do more than live paycheck to paycheck.
So, I will continue to blog, and will continue to speak my mind, but it will be with an ear to the corner and eyes at the back of my head. I just find it a shame that it has to be that way.